Devastated...

So today's the day I finally got the results I've been waiting, but yet dreading at the same time, for the past three years.

The DNA results are in. Drum roll please...

He's the father. Yup...you read right.

Okay. So at first, I wasn't too bad. No tears. No screaming. Nothing. I was calm and figured I had prepped myself enough for this that it wasn't going to bother me that bad. The more and more I stared at that paper...99.999%, the more it sunk in. So now I want to call Daina (the mother) every name in the book. All that comes out...tears. I'm devastated. Reality hits me like a wet slap to the face...I have to deal with this bitch for the next 18 years.

Tom and I have been through a lot. We lost one of our twins in January 2007 and I thought that it was going to be the hardest obstacle our relationship would ever face. Now this comes up. I know this may sound so wrong; but I'm sick of paying for other womens babies. I know its not the kids fault, but fuck, I don't want them around at all anymore. All they, and their mothers, do is cause issues that affect our relationship horribly. I'm sick and tired of child support orders, lawyers, the FRO (Family Responsibility Office), baby's mothers, the Canadian legal system (that's a whole other rant) and all the other nonsense.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm in desperate need of a year-long vacation. Although, I'd want to stop time so I don't miss any of the kids milestones. I've also realized I don't want this child around me or my family. Selfish? Yeah probably. Do I care? Nope.

So Diana also had the nerve the add me to her MSN list today. Stupid me; I accepted. What makes a women believe she can control a mans feelings and force them to do things when they have the mans child? Oh and what makes you think I'm going to sacrifice my lifestyle to please you? Yeah right...think again. A little piece of paper isn't going to make someone jump up and say...."Now I'm glad this child is here! This little paper changed all my resentment towards you and the situation". *rolls eyes* She says she doesn't care about Tom, but yet all she can do is speak badly of him. Bitter much? Didn't realize you were such a Saint and had no part in this whole mess. Bitch. Yeah, okay, so I'm bitter too. I have the right to be. Don't I?

Doesn't help that Tom thinks the best idea is for him to go and work out in the Mountains again. To leave, never come back and just send money to support us. If it weren't for my kids I'd think it's an excellent idea, but, its not fair to them. Mountains or not...he's willing to let me go so that I can be happy.

I just might take him up of that offer...