Long distance phone calls

Finally heard from Tom today. Last time I heard from him was when the roof was leaking. Ry's been telling me for days he's probably ran home to Mommy, but I didn't believe it. I figured he wasn't stupid enough to do that again. Last time he did was when Angel died and it was almost the end of us.

I guess I really shouldn't be that surprised. He had no place to go and whenever the going gets tough...he runs to Mommy. Oh, well. Better her dealing with his crap then me. He definitely needs to live with his mother. He needs constant motherly care of which I'm not willing to do anymore.

The guy thinks he's going to be able to get help with his mental issues out there. LMAO! Good luck with that. I don't think anyone can help him with the issues running through his mind. The guy has lost it and frankly being out there with Charlotte is NOT going to help. She's just as crazy if not worse. I wish him luck...he's going to need it.

On another note, I'd like to know when the hell my kids are coming back since the only info I get is excuses...better be soon!

Leaky roof

So today I had the wonderful time of trying to get a 50ft x 30ft tarp over my trailer. Yup the roof started leaking like crazy. Thank goodness for friends and family or I would have been screwed :S

After hanging out in the freezing cold rain for over an hour; Ry, Aaron, my neighbour Todd and I were able to get this massive tarp over my roof and tie it down. I doubt if it'll last long but at least the waterfall has stopped.

Oh and no thanks to Tom who stopped by to get his work clothes while I was out buying the tarp and LEFT without offering any help. Stupid lazy Bastard. If he had sealed the roof in the summer time like he was supposed too, this would have never happened. I guess I should be used to all these broken promises by now.

Cold....tired....must sleep....

Drunken stupidity

Last night we went to P.K. Creek's with two of Tom's co-workers.  Everything was fine till a drunken friend of the performer decided to make small talk with the people at our table.  Out comes the green-eyed monster.  Well, after Tom decided to be rude to this guy and embarrassed all the people at our table I decided I had just about enough.

Once his co-workers left our place I told Tom he was an embarrassment and I wouldn't put up with this anymore.  Considering we were supposed to be taking "time apart" and he wasn't making any effort to stay elsewhere, I told him to leave that night.  Mind you, once he left, I felt bad and went looking for him since he left walking.  Remember its 3:30 a.m. at this point and FREEZING outside.  I found him and gave him the option of sleeping in Cody's bed.  His response:  "You can't tell me what to do!"  This was followed by him climbing a privacy fence and tumbling over to the other side.

Okay, fine, have it your way.  You can freeze walking for two hours to Danny's house.  I'm going home to smoke a joint, drink water, take an pill and pass out in my nice warm bed.   That's exactly what I did.  

Since I've spent the better part of this day working off a horrible hangover, I'm in lazy mode.  I'm so glad I haven't heard from Tom today...my headache is bad enough as it is.

Ry and Aaron want to go out tonight for dinner.  I don't really feel like moving but I'm hungry so I'm going.

P.K.... here I come

Again.

The beginning of my vacation.

Terminal 3, originally uploaded by Ready2Rant.

So todays the day. The kids got on the plane with Charlotte (their paternal grandmother) and left for Nova Scotia.

They'll be gone for the next two weeks. They've already landed there so I know they're safe and I can officially relax. I know I have to clean and get some things done...but I'd rather enjoy my quiet time...

My little Bug

So here's my surprise....

Bug-a-Boo, originally uploaded by Ready2Rant.

Let me introduce you to Bug-a-Boo. This is my little black Bug...no really, his breed is called a "Bug". He's half Pug and half Boston Terrier and I think he's got the most cutest face ever! I swear I bought him just to take pictures of his face.

So far he's getting along with the kids quite well. He especially stays away from Mac when she lets out that shrills scream of hers. At least she's not shrieking every time he goes near her anymore.

I have a feeling that having this dog is going to increase my weekly asprin consumption.

Sleeping...	Bug-eyed	Still sleeping...

One hell of a weekend

So this weekend was the weekend that everyone received their inheritance. Yesterday Evening everyone got together at Swiss Chalet, had a wonderful dinner and left. Unfortunately I felt as though everyone seemed to make the dinner about the money and not about my Grandmother. Grumpy faces, lack of "Thank you"s and my Grandmother sitting there without a soul talking to her was heart-breaking. I tried to sit and talk with her as much as possible and thanked her tremendously, including when I got home and today as well. I NEED her to realize what this money was able to do for me and how much I appreciate it.

I was able to go out and buy not only my Macbook Pro, but my camera and one other "surprise" which I'll blog about tomorrow.

Since I'm completely fascinated with my Macbook...I'm going to play :D

Double girls night.

So this time I'm posting for two good reasons.

Last night Ry (my cousin) took me out for dinner and it was absolutely wonderful. Thanks so much for that. I needed it more than you could imagine. Although I do feel bad that I'm such pig and therefore cost her a fortune :( Surprisingly enough...Tom put both kids to bed, on time AND changed diapers. Hell froze over, so this is definitely one for the books.

So tonight Tom went to a stag tonight and actually suggested that I invite Karen over for company. I was shocked considering he can't really stand her and would rather I not speak to her at all. Having her over was a blast. We played with the Wii and I sent another person home wanting to buy one.

I guess its over

So I called Tom at work this morning to let him know I wanted him to get off on his regular hour so we could talk. Considering it had been two days since the results arrived and we hadn't really talked about the situation at ALL, I took the inititive, and said we needed to talk. An hour later he walked through the door. He said he couldn't work knowing that everything was over. Considering he put in ten hours of overtime yesterday...I'm sure it wasn't a problem for him to leave.

I sent the kids to play in Cody's room and put my gloves on...I was laying it all out on the table. I let him know that I was tired of my life and financial situation being affected by and revealed to the past women in his life. As much as I know it hurt, I told him I didn't want his other children around anymore creating problems in my life and causing emotional strain. I have enough with my own kids never mind others that didn't come from inside me. I told him that all the paperwork, research and heartache I put into HIS children wasn't worth the outcome to me. I'm not willing to watch as his daughter walks into my home acting like SHE owns it (very much like her mother in that sense) and breaks all the rules that Cody is still expected to follow. Oh, wait...she doesn't break the rules...they just don't apply to her. Among other things, I'm certainly not willing to hear another child scream in my face: "You're NOT my MOM!". If you haven't had the opportunity to have stepchildren to do that to you; your lucky. It hurts like hell. Especially when you bust your ass through paperwork and bullshit to be able to have her there so she can see her dad. Yeah you little shit, if it weren't for me, your father would have stopped fighting your mother to see you long ago....

He told me he understood. No arguments. He then told me that he just wants me to be happy and if that means with someone else or just not with him, then that's what he wanted. We came to the conclusion that when Mac and Cody are staying with his mom (next week), he's going to leave too. We're going to spend anywhere between a couple days to two weeks apart. I need to sort out where I want to be in my life.

Regardless, I love him to death. I just can't handle all this added stress.

On a lighter note...
My mother called today to say that my grandmother's settlement cheque cleared. Woohoo! Everyone (kids and grandkids I guess) is getting dinner on Saturday. Along with dinner the grandkids all get their inheritance cheque. I got mine in a wire transfer to my mother's account since these crazy women and Ontario Works can't see "other" income. So because my mother is off to the bank tomorrow to make out all the cheques, I get mine tomorrow. I'm not willing to use MY inheritance on Tom's kids or his women, so I'm splurging on myself. I bought my van, I'm getting my camera and finally a new laptop. Too bad even that isn't cheering me up.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness was absolutely right.

All it takes is a phone call

Okay so it's 10:43 p.m. and Tom still isn't home from work. I talked to him an hour ago and he said he was punching out and walking out the door. My ass! It takes fifteen minutes to get from his work, especially at this hour.

Just got off the phone with him again. Yeah he's still at work. What the hell is the damn point of putting in overtime? His stupid ex-wife is going to get it all anyway. See, according to the FRO, we're $3500 in arrears and until its all paid off, his paycheques are garnished by 50%. In actuality, we're not, we're even but Kelly (the ex) is too lazy to report it. So now they're threatening to suspend his license; like taking it away is going to get him to and from work in order to pay the arrears. I don't understand their position on certain certain aspects at all.

I don't know what I'm more mad at...him for not calling...or this stupid laptop for overheating and shutting off on me every ten minutes! I can't wait till this Saturday. I'm finally splurging on a new camera. One that actually takes pictures when I ask it to, not seconds after Cody or McKenzie have finished their cute smile/moment! I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating it is. Dumb camera jumps through settings so bad that I don't think it has any settings anymore. Back to the laptop...since it just shut off again...I'm replacing this hunk of junk with a 15" Macbook Pro.

I better publish this before it shuts off again. It has taken me an hour to type this post. Saturday can't come soon enough.

Ghost dogs in my kitchen

So I put the kids down for a nap and ran to smoke a joint in the bathroom. Mind your business on that one. Live in my shoes for awhile and you'd be trying to grow it just for personal.

When I came out and walked into the kitchen; I found these:

Now, for anyone who is blind or can't make out what they're seeing, these are muddy paw/foot prints on my kitchen floor. From what I can make out they were either made by a medium to large size dog or possibly even a small child walking on their tip-toes.

Just to clarify, I don't own a dog and the kids were down for a nap. I ran to get the mail so I know I tracked in mud, but I was wearing my crocs.

Mud:

Many chunks of mud:

Bottom of Crocs:	Size Comparison	Close-up

I've come to the conclusion that
1. I'm not crazy or tripping and
2. There's no way someone got into my house (all the doors were locked).
So if someone has a logical explanation as to how these showed up...shoot me an e-mail.

I'll believe just about anything right now.
For now ...I'll just believe I have ghost dogs in my kitchen.

Devastated...

So today's the day I finally got the results I've been waiting, but yet dreading at the same time, for the past three years.

The DNA results are in. Drum roll please...

He's the father. Yup...you read right.

Okay. So at first, I wasn't too bad. No tears. No screaming. Nothing. I was calm and figured I had prepped myself enough for this that it wasn't going to bother me that bad. The more and more I stared at that paper...99.999%, the more it sunk in. So now I want to call Daina (the mother) every name in the book. All that comes out...tears. I'm devastated. Reality hits me like a wet slap to the face...I have to deal with this bitch for the next 18 years.

Tom and I have been through a lot. We lost one of our twins in January 2007 and I thought that it was going to be the hardest obstacle our relationship would ever face. Now this comes up. I know this may sound so wrong; but I'm sick of paying for other womens babies. I know its not the kids fault, but fuck, I don't want them around at all anymore. All they, and their mothers, do is cause issues that affect our relationship horribly. I'm sick and tired of child support orders, lawyers, the FRO (Family Responsibility Office), baby's mothers, the Canadian legal system (that's a whole other rant) and all the other nonsense.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm in desperate need of a year-long vacation. Although, I'd want to stop time so I don't miss any of the kids milestones. I've also realized I don't want this child around me or my family. Selfish? Yeah probably. Do I care? Nope.

So Diana also had the nerve the add me to her MSN list today. Stupid me; I accepted. What makes a women believe she can control a mans feelings and force them to do things when they have the mans child? Oh and what makes you think I'm going to sacrifice my lifestyle to please you? Yeah right...think again. A little piece of paper isn't going to make someone jump up and say...."Now I'm glad this child is here! This little paper changed all my resentment towards you and the situation". *rolls eyes* She says she doesn't care about Tom, but yet all she can do is speak badly of him. Bitter much? Didn't realize you were such a Saint and had no part in this whole mess. Bitch. Yeah, okay, so I'm bitter too. I have the right to be. Don't I?

Doesn't help that Tom thinks the best idea is for him to go and work out in the Mountains again. To leave, never come back and just send money to support us. If it weren't for my kids I'd think it's an excellent idea, but, its not fair to them. Mountains or not...he's willing to let me go so that I can be happy.

I just might take him up of that offer...

Figures we can fight over just about anything...

Went to out tonight with Tom in hopes for a nice quiet dinner without the kids.

Yeah Right.

Made the first mistake of going to Jack Astor's. Quiet my ass. I left my kids with other people to listen to everyone else's brats during dinner? Don't think so. Oh, and thank you to the guy who sneezed like a gunshot and made the kids cry from shock. I appreciated that orchestra of noise during dinner. I'm sure everyone at your table refused to eat their food after that...

First, Tom wanted to sit in the bar area where a bunch of sport jocks were so loud I didn't want to be in there. Plus the seat was broken in the booth we were in and one wrong move would have resulted in my ass on the floor. So they put us in a booth right in front of the front door. That was enough to put Tom in a mood that caused him to order only a salad!?! Yeah well, you can have your salad. I'll have my 10 oz Butter Brushed New York steak; thank you very much. Which, by the way, got cold real fast from us sitting by the front door.

Next was the argument over the Wii. Nice to know you can play all night while I watch but when I want to play its boring so you'd rather watch season one of Prison Break. Bah. Okay so we got through one episode before you fell asleep. As Cody would say..."WooWee" (notice my tone is sarcastic).

Anyway off to bed. This time change is killing me :S